


jagged puzzle pieces

by chaoticgay (Niriiun)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, bonding moments tm, lucas centric, the angst isn't that bad i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 21:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14601762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niriiun/pseuds/chaoticgay
Summary: Lucas had grown used to everyone taking and taking until he had nothing more to give.





	jagged puzzle pieces

**Author's Note:**

> the luwoo isn't really romantic yet. this is just kind of a prequel to everything i plan on writing  
> also because i wanted angst, and lucas fit the mood i was in bc same tbh  
> also needed a small break from my jackjae fic r i p
> 
> i've never written anything nct before this so i apologize now for characterization ;;
> 
> now i'm gonna go pass out it's 10:30 in the mornin

Once they get used to your presence, it’s easy to forget when you’re not around.

Once you offer everything you have, it’s easy to forget that you need help too.

Once they get used to how bright you are, it’s easy to ignore the greyscale that consumes the once beautiful color in your eyes.

Lucas knew, deep down, that he’d done it all. Gotten them used to his presence. Offered help at every opportunity. Made himself the bright one for the camera. He had, effectively, sealed his fate, and the world continued on without him. Even when his core reached immeasurable temperatures and the beams supporting his fragile heart were destroyed, the world continued spinning while he struggled to keep up. Lucas had created an atmosphere around himself that dictated his well being, and as long as he smiled, no one would suspect a thing. 

Even if his feet dragged along the concrete and the need for sleep curled like smoke around his eyes, he smiled. 

Lucas had grown used to everyone taking and taking until he had nothing more to give. His life was built upon the need to be kind to others. It was easy for those around him to fall into the lull of his brightness, to seek the attention and help they felt only Lucas could offer. He had charisma and a way of uplifting others just by being around him, of providing smiles and entertainment and laughter. Even if he had the courage to stop it, Lucas knew he wouldn’t. Helping others had built him into who he was today. 

Even though his eyes felt heavy and his limbs sluggish, he helped.

Lucas smiled on camera, when the eyes of the world were upon him. Lucas smiled during practice, when their choreographer seemed to spot every misstep he made. Lucas smiled at dinner, when eyes were upon him for storytelling and jokes. Lucas smiled even when those around him didn’t.

Even though his muscles ached in protest and his stomach was beyond empty, he smiled.

Today was no different. The days were never different. Lucas was tired from his previous night of helping with homework. His body was weak from lack of dinner. This combination led him to miss more dance moves than usual. By the time practice was over for the day, their choreographer was practically banging his head against the wall. Lucas wasn’t a bad dancer by any stretch but he also wasn’t the quickest when learning. It was frustrating for the man, but even more so for Lucas himself. 

Lucas’s fingers curled around the water bottle in his hand. He watched as Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Mark file out of the room. They were laughing over some joke Mark had made but he couldn’t catch it as the door shut behind him. The idol glanced over at Taeyong, seeing him gathering his jacket from the couch. Jungwoo was just beyond him, packing things up and getting ready to shut down the room for the night. 

“Don’t worry about shutting everything off! I’m gonna stay and practice a bit more.” Two pairs of eyes were immediately turned in his direction. Lucas unscrewed the cap to his water, taking a sip.

“Are you sure, Lucas?” Taeyong was eyeing him with an unreadable expression.

Lucas lowered his hand, securing the cap once more. He nodded as he answered. “Of course, hyung. I feel bad about being distracted earlier. I’ll be ended on sight if I mess up tomorrow!” A hand was pressed to his forehead for dramatic effect.

Jungwoo laughed at this and stepped back from the computer. “We need our Lucas!”

Taeyong hummed in agreeance, pulling his jacket on. “Don’t stay here too late. We’ll try to save you some dinner.” 

Lucas forced himself to turn away and busied himself with finding a spot to set his water. “Don’t worry, hyung, I’ll be home before you know it.” He completely missed the look Taeyong and Jungwoo shared, humming the tune of  _ Boss _ . 

“Alright then, we’re heading out. Remember to rest, Lucas.” Taeyong’s leader voice came out.

A hand was waved in his direction, Lucas keeping his back to his group mates currently exiting the room. Footsteps could be heard until the door finally clicked shut, leaving him in an empty room with a cold to match the deafening silence. It was lonely without all of them. There were so many in their group that it was rare to see someone without at least one other person. Everyone grew used to closeness because really, how could you survive when you had seventeen other people constantly around you? 

Lucas turned, staring at the door with an unreadable expression. His stomach protested at how empty it was and he finally broke his one-sided staring contest. The bottle of water was left behind as he moved to switch on the music once more. Lucas let his body slip into position with the fluidity of water, despite the ache that had settled deep into his bones. He bit his lip and started to dance. 

No matter how many times he went through the routine, he felt like he was lagging. Things only got worse as his body practically screamed in protest, water bottle ignored and food forgotten. Before he knew it, it was nearly ten at night. Lucas worried at his lip as his mind replayed the words their choreographer had thrown at him earlier. 

_ Your movements are slow and clumsy. _ He missed a turn.

_ Your form isn’t sharp enough. _ He slipped, ankle burning in response.

_ Your timing needs to be quicker! _ He caught the edge of his jacket and fell, right shoulder colliding painfully with the floor. His glasses tumbled away; the sound made his heart sink.

The frustration from his thoughts and the sudden pain boiled over, Lucas curling into a ball on the floor as the song faded out. “I’m not a bad dancer. I’m not,” he mumbled. No, not by any stretch. He was just tired and overworked. So much had been happening lately that he hadn’t really taken much time to rest. Well, technically none of them had, and maybe that was why he was in his current predicament. Always trying to help everyone else. Always trying to be the backbone when someone needed it. All of these thoughts were totally rational, and yet the little voice in the back of Lucas’ mind refused to believe. 

He was a mood maker, a bright smile, someone meant to entertain, and no one had suspected there could be anything wrong with him. Because he was Lucas, and Lucas was headstrong and confident. 

How far from the truth they were.

As the music started again, Lucas felt tears slide over the bridge of his nose and fall to the floor. They were hot and wet and his heart clenched in his chest; he was grateful no one was there to witness his breakdown. He felt weak and exposed, sobbing in a practice room of one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea. What would his fans think? This only caused him to curl tighter, screwing his eyes shut and biting back a sob.

By the time he went to push himself upright, he was exhausted. His shoulder ached in protest and he could already feel the bruise forming beneath the skin. Lucas went to lift it, wincing at the pain that exploded through it. The idol kept it limp at his side as he shut off the music. Once again the room was plunged into cold silence. He picked up his glasses and stared at the black frames with tired eyes. 

They were set on the arm of the couch, Lucas sinking into the cushions with a sniffle. He scrubbed at his eyes. 

A glance at the clock revealed 10:13. Had they actually saved him dinner …? Lucas doubted it. There were too many people to feed and he knew from experience that if you weren’t there to grab then there would most likely be nothing left. It hurt to think about and he chased the thoughts away.  _ I’ll just stop at the convenience store on the way home I guess. _

He could just cook something tomorrow then. Tomorrow was an off day at least. A time to rest and recover from all the work they’d been putting in lately.

Lucas stared at the door again, willing himself to get up. His body didn’t seem to listen, however, and suddenly the world was dark.

——— ( o ) ———

Jungwoo was, to no one’s surprise, a serial worrier. He was subtle about it, in a way that most had no idea that he was making hints. Little comments about eating habits and what route they’d walked. His intent was disguised, because Jungwoo was supposed to be innocent, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t smart. No, Jungwoo was incredibly smart, and maybe that was why he noticed how rundown Lucas was first. He didn’t, however, know just how bad it was.

Jungwoo, had he known the extent of Lucas’ state, never would’ve left him alone to practice that day.

They were all guilty, but Jungwoo couldn’t help but feel like it was mostly on his shoulders. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t reach out. He didn’t make his subtle hints. Jungwoo just assumed it would pass, that he would be fine, and it was one of his biggest mistakes.

Waking up the next morning, none of them really realized. Lucas was an ever-present entity in their lives and while the lack of that should’ve been noticeable, it wasn’t. They were excited for their off day. It was a distraction. It was, it was, _ it was _ —Jungwoo hated it.

“I’m making pancakes! And bacon. Everyone loves bacon.” Taeyong was currently hunched over the stove, poking at a pancake while a bowl filled with scrambled eggs rested precariously close to the edge. Ten, Doyoung, and Taeil were already seated at the table chatting away. Chenle, Jisung, and Jaemin were seated on the living room floor playing some sort of game. A sleepy-looking duo of Mark and Donghyuck were situated on the couch. The rest of the members didn’t appear to be up yet. Jungwoo took note of it, yet still failed to see that Lucas wasn’t there.

He sniffed at the air. “Paaaancakes!” 

A few of his group mates looked at him, Doyoung offering a wave. “Sleep well?”

“Of course, hyung! I’m excited to go to the park today. I had to rest up!” Jungwoo took the empty seat between Doyoung and Ten. Taeyong appeared and set down a glass of chocolate milk in front of him. Always such an attentive hyung. 

Ten leaned his head against his shoulder as he took a drink, and the daily chatter went on like normal. Everyone had various plans for how they were going to spend their off day. Jungwoo knew Doyoung and Ten were going with him to the park, and part of him wondered if he should ask Lucas to go too. By the time they began to trickle in for the delicious smell of breakfast, it was nearly 11:30. They last to join them was Kun, freshly showered and stifling a yawn.

With the help of Johnny and Yuta, Taeyong passed around the pancakes and bacon to each member. Jungwoo was about to take a bite when Taeyong brought it up.

“Hey Kun, what time did Lucas come home last night? He must be pretty tired of he’s still asleep.” He raised a piece of bacon to his lips, taking a bite.

Kun took a sip of his water. “Ah, I wasn’t awake hyung. He must’ve left pretty early; he’s not in our room.” 

His heart sank. Lucas didn’t get up early. Even if he did, he was never earlier than Yuta.

Jungwoo and Taeyong immediately looked at each other, their unofficial leader dropping his bacon. He immediately whipped out his phone and dialed Lucas’ number. A strange silence fell over their breakfast as the phone rang once, twice, three times and went to voicemail. Taeyong tried again with the same result. 

An image of Lucas’ tired smile flashed through his mind.

Before any of them could stop him, Jungwoo was out the door. If Lucas wasn’t in bed that meant he hadn’t come home at all. That wasn’t in Lucas’ nature, and it was here that Jungwoo realized his first mistake. Lucas was an independent soul to a fault. He wouldn’t ask for help unless he absolutely needed it.

Jungwoo ran. Passed the people giving him weird looks, passed the fans who spotted his panicked state, all the way through the front door of their company building. He wasn’t sure if anyone else had followed him but at that moment, he didn’t really care. His mind was racing and his heart threatening to burst from his chest, feet guided by fear and adrenaline.

All of which drained out of him as the practice room door swung open.

Lucas had his back to the door, body in a heap on the floor. His jacket was draped over his legs and Jungwoo rushed forward before fear could lock him in place. He dropped to his knees, gently touching the younger idol’s shoulder. “Lucas! Lucas, wake up!” 

There was no response and Jungwoo realized he hadn’t brought his phone with him. Panicking, he frantically searched the couch in an attempt to find Lucas’. 

“Oh god, is he alright?” Jungwoo whipped his head around as Taeyong’s voice hit his ears. He was standing in the doorway with a wide-eyed Doyoung. The idol hurried over, dropping down next to him and setting his hands on Lucas.

“I-I don’t know,” Jungwoo whined, voice cracking, “What do I do, hyung?  _ What do I do? _ ”

Taeyong didn’t look at him, reaching out to gently squeeze Jungwoo’s shoulder. “Calm down for now.” The hand was withdrawn and he watched as Doyoung settled on the other side of him, phone clenched with white knuckles. Taeyong felt for Lucas forehead and let out a loud gasp at what he found. “Call an ambulance, Doyoung. He’s burning up.”

Doyoung scrambled to comply. Jungwoo felt like he was going to cry. Scratch that, he was crying. How could they have been so foolish? Of course Lucas would overwork himself. 

“H-hyung, is he going to be alright?” 

For the first time since his debut, Taeyong looked at him with genuine fear, and Jungwoo felt everything drain from his body. “I don’t know, Jungwoo. I don’t know.”

——— ( o ) ———

His first response to waking up was to groan. Everything hurt, and his head was throbbing. A slew of voices exploded around him and he winced.

Several  _ shhh! _ followed suit and he felt a hand press to his. Lucas’ eyes felt heavy as he opened them, trying his hardest to chase away the tired film within. The first person he saw was Jungwoo. His eyes flicked to his hand and he realized the older man was the one holding it. 

Beeping captured his attention and Lucas realized he was at the hospital, the scent of cleaner burning his nose. Lucas sat up a bit too sharply, head swimming at the sudden exertion. “Hey, hey, don’t try to move just yet. You need to rest.” Jungwoo’s voice was soft. He allowed himself to be guided back against the pillow.

“You overworked yourself. You need to rest for a bit.” Doyoung captured his attention, Lucas turning tired eyes in his direction. Taeyong, Jisung, and Jaemin were stood next to him. 

He looked at the ceiling, letting his eyes shut again. Lucas felt so vulnerable being the center of attention. Normally he loved it but here … he felt exposed. “Sorry.” It was the only word he could form, voice hoarse. “Sorry, sorry.” 

Jungwoo’s hand curled around his own. “Don’t be sorry,” he mumbled, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“It’s okay to be weak sometimes, hyung.” Lucas opened his eyes, staring at Jisung. “You’re human. We’re all still learning our limits. It’s okay.”

Taeyong ruffled Jisung’s hair, smiling. “When did you get so wise?” The man switched his focus to Lucas, schooling his expression into seriousness. “He’s right, Lucas. It’s okay to stumble sometimes. You don’t have to carry everything on your own.”

Lucas looked down at his hands, staring at Jungwoo’s as they spoke.

“We’re pieces of different puzzles shoved together and made to work. Our edges are jagged and sometimes we might not fit together but you belong, Lucas.” He swallowed, looking at Doyoung with eyes threatening to spill tears once more. “Taeyong’s right you know; you don’t have to encounter everything on your own.”

“I’m still sorry.” Lucas flipped his hand over, gripping Jungwoo’s tightly.

Taeyong and Doyoung shook their heads, though not in unison. Lucas wished he could disappear into his hospital bed forever. “There’s nothing to apologize for, remember?” Jungwoo said. A small pout was thrown in his direction.

“Once you eat something and get a little bit of rest, you can come back to the dorms.” Taeyong had his  _ fearless leader _ voice again; he couldn’t help the little smile that tugged at his lips.

The three of them shuffled towards the door, but Jungwoo remained. They didn’t speak until a solid minute afterwards. Lucas felt ashamed; Jungwoo felt like a failure.

The grip tightened. “I didn’t realize it was this bad.” Lucas looked up at him in surprise. “You’re a hard worker. You do everything you’re supposed to. Our fans love you, we love you, and the world loves you. Yet … I missed how sad you’ve been.” Jungwoo sniffled and Lucas felt his heart skip a bit. He tugged on his wrist in an attempt to get him close enough for a hug.

“... I’ve been pretty good at hiding it. Don’t feel bad.” Lucas curled an arm around Jungwoo, pulling his head into his shoulder.

“Still! I should’ve noticed. You haven’t been eating properly or sleeping for very long, and you’ve always got this sad look on your face a-and I’m just—”

“Shh, it’s okay Jungwoo. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have hidden it in the first place.” He cut him off just as Jungwoo devolved into a choke sob, tears hot against his shoulder. Staring at the white ceiling, Lucas couldn’t stop how his lip quivered and his body reacted to the natural pull to cry once again.

And that’s exactly what he did.

With Jungwoo curled into his body, Lucas let all of his emotions flow out of him. For the first time in months, he felt all his stress and tension drain out of him. 

Even if it was a momentary, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> one of the best lines i've ever written was a puzzle piece comparison, so i decided to reuse it in this fic! 
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> forgot to add this but if you wanna chat, feel free to find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/diivinacommedia)!


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